


baby, I'm mad

by blackkat



Series: useless porn scraps [16]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Couch Sex, M/M, Masturbation, PWP, Pining, Violent Pining, and insulting kakashi, but zabuza fixes it, by swearing, gai's self-esteem issues make themselves a problem briefly, given that zabuza is the one doing it, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2019-03-26 20:26:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13865397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackkat/pseuds/blackkat
Summary: Caught in the act of digging through the hall closet, presumably in his quest to find Zabuza, Gai spins, already beaming. “Yosh! Are you prepared for our day of challenges and manly combat?”For a long moment Zabuza stares at him. Then, carefully, he takes a deep breath and growls, “No. I have myownplans. I bought a massive dildo and I'm going to go stuff it up my ass until my arm gets tired. So unless you want to help me get off, you should fuck off.”





	baby, I'm mad

**Author's Note:**

> Mostly kind of follows _crazy (but the best people are)_ , so it's helpful to have read that one first but probably not necessary.

Zabuza has three fingers inside of himself when the apartment door flies open.

“Second rival!” Gai cries, and Zabuza can hear him clearly even though the bedroom door is closed. “Our youthful genin have decided to travel to the festival in the civilian town, so we are free to spar!”

Fucking _hell_ , Zabuza thinks letting his head fall back onto the pillows. _Months_ of obliviousness, and _now_ is the moment the bastard decides to swan in.

“Second rival?” Gai calls brightly, and Zabuza _knows him_ by now; he’s not leaving until he finds Zabuza and drags him out to fight. Which puts them at cross purposes, since Zabuza isn’t leaving this apartment until he’s had at least one orgasm. Preferably more.

With a groan, he pushes to his feet, sets the lube aside, and tries not to grimace at the wet-slick feeling inside of him. Dragging his pants on, he heads for the door, without even bothering to belt or button them; if he has anything to say about this, Gai will be gone quickly, especially since he hasn’t expressed any interest in _helping_ Zabuza have orgasms, no matter how many times Zabuza has implied he’d be open to assistance.

Slamming out of his bedroom, he snaps, “Damn it, you asshole! I have _plans_!”

Caught in the act of digging through the hall closet, presumably in his quest to find Zabuza, Gai spins, already beaming. “Yosh! Are you prepared for our day of challenges and manly combat?”

For a long moment Zabuza stares at him. Then, carefully, he takes a deep breath and growls, “No. I have my _own_ plans. I bought a massive dildo and I'm going to go stuff it up my ass until my arm gets tired. So unless you want to help me get off, you should fuck off.”

Gai's eyes widen, and for an instant they’re as sharp as they were when he took Zabuza out on the bridge in Wave. His gaze slides from Zabuza’s face to his bare chest and then down to his gaping pants, already sliding halfway off his hips. There's a long moment of silence, Zabuza frozen in confusion at the sudden shift, Gai still with a strange look on his face.

Then Gai says, far more quietly than Zabuza is used to, “You would want _my_ help?”

Zabuza nearly screams. Levels a finger at Gai instead, because there's obliviousness and then there’s _this_. “I fucking kissed you! I _made you dinner_!”

Gai blinks at him. “Kakashi said those were declarations of friendship,” he protests.

If Zabuza were even one step closer to the wall, he’d bang his head on it. Or maybe grab Kubikiribōchō off its stand and try to behead Gai with it, not that that worked last time. “I don’t just want to be your fucking friend, I want to _sleep with you_!”

From Gai's expression Zabuza might as well have slammed his sword right between his eyes. “ _Me_?” he repeats, absolutely bewildered. “But not…Kakashi?”

“Hatake?” Zabuza wrinkles his nose, entirely disgusted by the thought. “Why the fuck would I want a weedy little runt of a scarecrow when there's a real man around?”

There's a long moment of complete and utter silence, and then Gai laughs. He bounds forward, wrapping Zabuza up in a bear hug and lifting him right off his feet. No one’s managed to lift Zabuza since _Kisame_ ducked out, and he yelps, but there's a mouth on his and his pants have completely give up on clinging to his hips. They tangle around his feet, and when Gai drops onto the couch with Zabuza on top of him, he can't get free in time to catch himself and crashes face-first into Gai's chest.

There are honestly worse places to be. Especially because Gai _keeps_ kissing him, gets his hands on Zabuza’s face and presses their mouths together hard, more enthusiasm than finesse, but Zabuza is more than fine with that. He groans as he gets his hands on the zipper of the jumpsuit and drags it down, the reveal of beautiful, thick, ropy muscle like finding heaven.

“ _Fuck_ , you're the most gorgeous thing I've ever seen,” he says, and Gai makes a rough sound. In an instant, Zabuza is landing flat on his back on the cushions, Gai on top of him, and the look on his face is—intense. He kisses Zabuza hard, and Zabuza drags him in, gets a leg around his thighs and hisses, “What are you waiting for, _fuck me_ —”

He chokes on the words as thick, callused fingers slide inside of him, curl and spread, and Gai says, “You weren’t exaggerating about the—”

Zabuza laughs roughly. “The dildo? I don’t joke about sex. But…” He grinds up against the bulge he can feel against his hip, smirks with teeth when Gai gasps. “I’d _much_ rather fuck around with this, if you're willing to share.”

Gai laughs, and there's something warm and relieved and bright in his expression as he kisses Zabuza again. “How flexible are you, Zabuza?” he asks, and Zabuza has to swallow at the look in those dark eyes. _Fuck_. “I've made a youthful study of several comprehensive guides for maximizing pleasure.”

Sex guides. Gai's studied _sex guides_. “I really hit the fucking jackpot,” Zabuza laughs, dragging him down into another hungry kiss. “Fuck Hatake. Why the _hell_ would I want him?”

“Most people—” Gai starts, but Zabuza is fucking _done_ with this conversation. Gai's dick is right there, and he’s been lusting after it for _months_ now.

“I’ve got better taste than most people,” he says bluntly, drags the jumpsuit off Gai's shoulders and shoves it down past his hips. “And if you’re not going to get your cock in me in the next ten seconds I’ve got a dildo with my name on it— _ah_!”

Three fingers, stretching him out, and then something thicker, blunter. Zabuza shudders, arching into Gai as a long, thick shaft slides into him, and he’s almost not slicked enough for this, but the burn adds bite, makes him moan into Gai's mouth and press back into the slow, steady thrust.

“May I try something?” Gai asks, breathless, pulling back just enough to see Zabuza’s face.

“Fuck yes,” Zabuza laughs, winded but eager. “Any fucking thing you want. I'm yours.”

Gai beams at him, kisses him hard. Strong hands catch his legs right under his knees, press them up and back until Zabuza _yells_ , Gai's cock suddenly pressing right where it needs to be. He snarls, throwing his head back, and Gai leans in, rocks his hips in a long, slow thrust. Zabuza loves his whole fucking face, and he can't even stand it.

“Can't believe,” he gets out, “that you thought I was ass over teakettle for fucking _Hatake_.”

“My mistake,” Gai laughs, and leans in to kiss Zabuza again.


End file.
